Hang on to your Nascar urine tube because the doctors are back in another desperate effort to treat their mysterious diseases. They discuss soup, tits, unintentional competition, and give even more free promotion for Brick Scotch. It ultimately begs the most important question of the decade: what foods go great with ass? Hopefully nothing too fiber-dense.
Speaking of ass, Dr. Josh is back with another episode of Animal Dicks, and there’s more than meets the ass regarding the animal featured in this segment. A tawdry tale of glucose, kidnapping, BDSM, genital gymnastics, bad planning skills and extreme closeups awaits those whose stomachs are ready to be tossed like a salad.
And since time has kicked its way into the season of movie blockbusters, Dr. Josh and Dr. Tom spread awareness of a few smash hits this summer that are brazenly immune to any sissy-ass Hollywood writer’s strike. There’s a little bit for everyone here, so bring your friends! Bring your family! Just. Don’t. Bring. Your great aunt Lucy. What a bitch.
Q+A is again a hit-or-miss collection of parts like it always is, but at least it looks like our audience is finally getting smarter. Good for you guys! We’re all so proud of you, and more proud of ourselves for finally hitting our target demographic: old men unsure about the location of their bacon.
But while we’re on that subject, please stop asking us questions about George. Ok? None of us are George. He’s his own thing.
And in a new segment, Dr. Josh hosts ‘Rapid Fire’, a breakneck tremolo of REAL QUESTIONS FROM THE INTERNET that are asked and answered as quickly as Dr. Tom finishes coitus. This, by far, is the most educational part of the show, and we learn much about sandwiches, vegetables, and spitting into someone’s mouth.
So we seal the test chamber on another episode of the Aural Malpractice Podcast: get some!
Aural Malpractice clips on Youtube
Aural Malpractice on Rumble
The Stupidest Show We’ve Ever Made
The three morons are back, and never before has there been a prouder display of such worldy erudition! At least not since that time you dry-humped a cabbage to the Canadian national anthem while covered in chocolate syrup spelling racial slurs across your nude bottom during your family vacation to Switzerland last year! By the way, we know who you are. Does that bother you?
To get in tune with the season of giving, this episode exhibits a quasi-failed holiday theme, complete with festive music, several hos, and a few ads for some charitable organizations close to the doctors’ hearts. But mostly it’s just used as a thinly-veiled excuse for Dr. Josh to repeatedly accuse Dr. Chris of having inappropriate, spontaneous physical contact with Santa Claus. Dr Chris has his patience endlessly tested by two drunken idiots who can even agree on the best bloodborne pathogen, but… the show must go on.
If it’s not that one topic we’re constantly penetrating down to bedrock, it’s always some other stiff joke that goes flaccid and collapses over time, and we always piss away better opportunities for stimulating, turgid conversation in light of the same old wrinkled bag of limp jokes. So Dr. Josh helps us find a way out of our rut, and he certainly got our minds erect and standing at attention. Message received, Dr Josh! It’s time to move on to other topics of discussion!
Despite being the absolute worst show ever made, the Holiday season tapped the doctors’ more charitable sides, including some extra listener questions for your personal well-being, then quickly regret it. Even so, I don’t think anyone is any closer to knowing what quinoa is.
Which is Worse is brought up in the midst of the tangents of other tangents, and we’re back to a crowded elevator where an evil witch curses your farts, and potentially violates the integrity of your foops.
Note: Despite our constant arguing, nitpicking, and escalating of biological warfare, we have come to a rare consensus. This is absolutely, hands-down, the worst episode we have ever made. It’s the most chaotic, nonsensical, disgusting thing we’ve ever made. And as way of apology… to ourselves, not our listeners… we have released it for your listening pleasure. Also. Fuck you. Stop sending in questions about chickens. We apologize to Santa Claus if Dr. Chris didn’t already murder him.
#EatCatsForChange
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Get AMP Straight To Your Ass RSS
NOT FOR THE LIVING
The doctors are back to criticize the voluptuousness of your pants. Turn your head and cough, but try not to choke unless you really want to.
This show opens positively with notions of resolutions, self-improvement, and the new year that began a third of a year ago. Dr. Tom shares the enthusiasm and wonderment of being voluntarily abducted and deposited into a cultural re-education camp filled with valuable, enriching experiences such as mining for coal, circumcision, severing fingers, and more circumcision. But it’s all valuable because it’s different.
Then Dr. Chris gets a steaming load off his chest after learning that instructional cooking on the internet is really just self-promoting, misleading bullshit with little to no value for a neophyte learning the culinary ropes. That and there isn’t even any nudity involved. Spurred by his passionate, fiery speech, Dr. Josh shares a few ideas in solidarity, formulating an idea for a new cooking show that’s sure to give these click-baity, uppity Karens just what they deserve.
And in an unending mission to overwhelm with variety, we start up a new listener Q+A segment to find out what gapes YOUR intellectual buttholes and answer all sorts of questions related to popping pimples, popping erections, and popping holes in the space-time continuum.
Closing out the show, Dr. Chris reveals he’s received a piece of mail from none other than Dr. Jacoby, but since he wouldn’t disclose just what the message said in front of his loyal listeners, something might be rotten in Denmark. Consider our intellectual buttholes gaped in our soft, voluptuous pants… and Squizzfingers on high alert.
Submit Your Questions to the Doctors Here
Click Here to Overwhelm Your Significant Other with Dildo Variety
Garbage Uppity Karen Cooking Site
“Theme for Harold (var. 3)” and other songs by
Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Get AMP Straight To Your Ass RSS
The Physical Sensation of Being Covered in Ass
The doctors return for another 9th dimensional mind meld and found yet another way to bore miles beneath the rock-bottom of what is comedy and what is just a salty biproduct. The other two doctors attempt to cure Dr Josh’s depression over his latest obsession, which haunts him throughout the episode. Dr Chris tries to get to the bottom of it through penetrating questions and doctor Tom did his part by just being really drunk. After that comes a brief analysis of the post-mortem effects of Dr. Josh’s possession by Hilda, the Nasty Bitch of Transylvantalyst. It seems like he’s going to be fine, even though his intellectual butthole seems to be getting more attention than it should.
Once in full gear, Dr Josh introduces a new segment to the show that really swings between its intro and outro. We aren’t going to give away too much regarding the 3 meters of turgid content he provides, but we nonetheless hope you have an empty soda bottle or ten in order to handle its salty biproduct.
In a miraculously to-the-point segment of ‘which is worse’, the Dr. Chris and Dr. Josh keep things classy and scientific with a very poignant discussion on statistics, pressure distribution, fluid mechanics, human biology, bodily excretions, and salty biproducts. Science prevails once again!
*Dr. Tom has been appropriately disciplined and re-educated concerning his choice of advertisers and controls have been properly implemented to keep him from ever again doing whatever the hell it was he did in this episode. We think.
“Theme for Harold (var. 3)” and other songs by
Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Get AMP Straight To Your Ass RSS
Hilda the Nasty Bitch
Curing your hiccups with scares, the doctors are back for their first-ever Halloween Special. This episode is so spooky that you may secrete your viscous terasoul in sheer terror!
Dr Josh alleviates his boredom by taking Dr. Chris And Dr. Tom on a morbid journey into his own imminent death, where he experiments with sample readings for the eulogy of his inevitable funeral. Taking to heart the notion that nobody is quite sure where their future may take them, the possibilities are pretty much endless, but we’re mostly sure it will include some BDSM, a meth habit, and a dubious cult following.
In other shocking moments, Dr Tom’s 3rd clone finally discovered what happened to Dr Tom’s 2nd clone. Not to anyone’s surprise, science went wrong and another clone died. A creepy tale unfolds throughout the episode as the audio logs recorded of Dr. Tom’s 2nd clone’s final moments are dispersed throughout.
Later in the episode, Dr. Josh plunges taint-first into the occult as he channels the spirit of an ancient witch who turns an old segment upside-down for the ‘Witch’s Worst’. There is horror, pain, suffering, pontificating, and uncontrollable lactation. And the summoning process doesn’t seem so great either. Dr. Josh is reamed multiple times.
“Always follow your heart. And keep on doing what you love.” -Dr. Josh on meth
“Theme for Harold (var. 3)” and other songs by
Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Get AMP Straight To Your Ass RSS
Olympic Snowballing
Just in time for the beginning of pudding season, the doctors return to fleck your walls with every known variety of animal excretion, along with a few newly discovered ones. After opening the show with a modest revision of the English Language, it’s straight to serious discussion about hard-hitting issues, like snowballing at the bank, and other actual winter sports, like the kind you practice via dry friction with a broom.
Then we praise Dr. Chris for his professional, take-charge attitude as he has awarded the doctors with yet another great sponsor, and he is personally requested to pitch a new advertising idea for their product. The only catch is they are requesting Dr. Chris read it personally, and nobody has had the chance to preview it yet.. so the ad read is as cold and live as a reptile. But if they keep the ad, they get the cash. Will they or won’t they?
Dr. Chris then uproots evidence of intellectual theft from none other than the History Channel, discovering not only stolen ideas in one of their latest shows, but stolen audio clips as well. A lawsuit may be in the works.
The doctors then pull a complete Frankenstein with a mashup of some of their favorite movies. But just like the 100% true historical account of the monster itself, they played God, and things got out of hand. Chainsaw decapitations and gay Hitlers abound! Additionally, SOME trains may have been harmed in the making of this disaster. Physically, mentally, and emotionally.
In the end, there is another segment of ‘Which is Worse’ that will have you shoving a dead body up an elephant’s ass while you shit uncontrollably. Science is crude and it pulls no punches. Don’t fuck a monkey or a gorilla.
“Theme for Harold (var. 3)” and other songs by
Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
The post Olympic Snowballing first appeared on Aural Malpractice.
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Get AMP Straight To Your Ass RSS
Mailbox Yeast Infection
The doctors have returned from their self-imposed sabbaticals (For Dr. Chris anyways) and you know what that means! New rectal examination tools! New rectal examination techniques! New prescription medications to treat the side effects of rectal exams! Uncomfortable probing and immature adult comedy in all the worst places!
After recounting tales of their individual absences, intentional or otherwise, Dr. Josh reinvigorates the awkward conversation and PROBES his captive audience with some potentially new jingles and ideas. Dr. Josh honors our quest to find exciting and innovative uses for Pyrex storage containers, and then we roll into some difficult decisions in a few ‘which is worse’ segments that will have you testing the pH balance of your mailbox, probably with a creative combination of adhesives, dildos, and horse medicine. Dr. Chris even shares one of the X number of times his crapped his pants while driving, leaving him with only X-1 left to share in the future. We aren’t sure who emptied the asylum, but they are probably stuck to Glue Baby, and paralyzed in fear (and glue) as Squizfingers does his… thing.
This podcast was sponsored by Pyrex, giantboxofdildosstraighttoyourass.com and The Wonder Awesome Drug Company. Because Everybody needs more of all of those things.
News articles in this episode:
Gujarat Man Seals Private Parts Using Adhesive Instead of Condom During Intercourse, Dies
Our featured image for the seeing-impaired
A man flexes his impressive appendage and charges the room with sexual energy. Elsewhere, he has a large box for a head, exploding with dildos. There are orange dildos, green dildos, purple dildos, blue dildos, and even flesh-colored dildos. One can assume the box contains many more dildos due to its vertical stature. On the front of the label, you are emasculated by the dare to buy your own giant box of dildos, and to fill out the order form with the most turgid object on your body. Giantboxofdildosstraighttoyourass.com has thrown down the mint-flavored, lubricated gauntlet ribbed for her pleasure. Will you answer the challenge?
“Theme for Harold (var. 3)” and other songs by
Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
The post Mailbox Yeast Infection first appeared on Aural Malpractice.
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Get AMP Straight To Your Ass RSS
Then I Pooped my Pants
In the second episode of Aural Malpractice, Dr. Josh shares some nationally-acclaimed zombie news and discuss what vehicle they would use to cause $14,000 worth of damage to a car dealership. In Ralph Macchio news, America’s hero has been sighted in some foreign commercials for Wendy’s pulled pork sandwiches, through which the doctors all unanimously anticipate his future sumo career. We also perform our first unofficially-sponsored product placement, Dr. Chris role plays the crappiest sports fan ever while Dr. Josh and Dr. Tom explain their dark powers of conversation manipulation. The three also each provide their unique observations at a mutual gathering in which there was a failed attempt at yellow jacket genocide. In the end, we have some more high-brow fart poetry and close with and insidious plan to destroy Chairman Meow.
Only one important question was left unanswered: What do you do with a vacuum cleaner full of bees?
From the news segment with Dr. Josh:
Man in Car Dealership Theft Trying to Escape Zombies
For Ralph Macchio:
Ralph Macchio in Some Kind of Food Commercial or Something, I Think
“Theme for Harold (var. 3)” and other songs by
Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
The post Then I Pooped my Pants first appeared on Aural Malpractice.
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Get AMP Straight To Your Ass RSS
Peanut Butter Enemas
Dr. Chris, Dr. Josh, and Dr. Tom briefly introduce themselves by insulting women, then move on to the finer points of potty training, projectile pooping, child labor, Ralph Macchio, rewriting movie history, fart poetry, and one of the worst movies ever made. Feel free to check out the first attempt of a never-ending work-in-progress!
Ralph Macchio News:
Celebrity News – Outsiders Reunion
“Theme for Harold (var. 3)” and other songs by
Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
The post Peanut Butter Enemas first appeared on Aural Malpractice.
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Get AMP Straight To Your Ass RSS