Hilda the Nasty Bitch

Curing your hiccups with scares, the doctors are back for their first-ever Halloween Special. This episode is so spooky that you may secrete your viscous terasoul in sheer terror!

Dr Josh alleviates his boredom by taking Dr. Chris And Dr. Tom on a morbid journey into his own imminent death, where he experiments with sample readings for the eulogy of his inevitable funeral. Taking to heart the notion that nobody is quite sure where their future may take them, the possibilities are pretty much endless, but we’re mostly sure it will include some BDSM, a meth habit, and a dubious cult following.

In other shocking moments, Dr Tom’s 3rd clone finally discovered what happened to Dr Tom’s 2nd clone. Not to anyone’s surprise, science went wrong and another clone died. A creepy tale unfolds throughout the episode as the audio logs recorded of Dr. Tom’s 2nd clone’s final moments are dispersed throughout.

Later in the episode, Dr. Josh plunges taint-first into the occult as he channels the spirit of an ancient witch who turns an old segment upside-down for the ‘Witch’s Worst’. There is horror, pain, suffering, pontificating, and uncontrollable lactation. And the summoning process doesn’t seem so great either. Dr. Josh is reamed multiple times.

“Always follow your heart. And keep on doing what you love.” -Dr. Josh on meth

“Theme for Harold (var. 3)” and other songs by
Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/


No More Dick Experiments

In a valiant effort to keep this yellowy snowball snowballing, the doctors are back for more mania, hysteria, and hyperblia. All of those are words. True to their principles, they begin their malarkey with more speculation and analysis of Dr. Tom’s claims and allegations. Things really aren’t adding up, and there is a divide-by-zero error somewhere in the flavor of clone jelly and arm sweat. It’s probably all the trilling.

Later, Gorilla Glue returns with a humble bow, and tries to redeem itself as an influential entity of masculine health in light of its previous attempt at your average dick hack infotainment. They create yet more advertising space while trying to turn their brand toward a more constructive form of development and not just covering your dick with caustic glue because something something glue dick. For this, we applaud them. Good job!

In light of all the things above, the doctors form a sort-of-binding covenant: no more dick experiments. We will be counting the seconds until this pact is broken.

Dr. josh is hung like cheese. Brie, yak, cheddar, parmesan. Your mileage may vary. This may or may not have anything to do with the podcast.

Dr. Chris reads a cryptic message from a fan. Whatever the outcome, it’s probably fine because the fan was really hot. Like… super hot. Like if Christina Hendricks had a baby with a man who looked exactly like her… wait a minute…

After years of hiding from Chris Hansen, Dr. Jacoby returns to give more interesting historical lessons to the children who listen to our show. Blame the parents. We do. Also, it’s been a long time since he’s reared his head, and we can’t be sure of the legality of his proclivities.

And descending into ‘which is worse’, we learn about pink milk, platelets, and patience.

Aural Malpractice: it’s mostly just cans!

“Theme for Harold (var. 3)” and other songs by
Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/


Aural Malpractice Episode 0008: No More Dick Experiments

 

Olympic Snowballing

Just in time for the beginning of pudding season, the doctors return to fleck your walls with every known variety of animal excretion, along with a few newly discovered ones. After opening the show with a modest revision of the English Language, it’s straight to serious discussion about hard-hitting issues, like snowballing at the bank, and other actual winter sports, like the kind you practice via dry friction with a broom.

Then we praise Dr. Chris for his professional, take-charge attitude as he has awarded the doctors with yet another great sponsor, and he is personally requested to pitch a new advertising idea for their product. The only catch is they are requesting Dr. Chris read it personally, and nobody has had the chance to preview it yet.. so the ad read is as cold and live as a reptile. But if they keep the ad, they get the cash. Will they or won’t they?

Dr. Chris then uproots evidence of intellectual theft from none other than the History Channel, discovering not only stolen ideas in one of their latest shows, but stolen audio clips as well. A lawsuit may be in the works.

The doctors then pull a complete Frankenstein with a mashup of some of their favorite movies. But just like the 100% true historical account of the monster itself, they played God, and things got out of hand. Chainsaw decapitations and gay Hitlers abound! Additionally, SOME trains may have been harmed in the making of this disaster. Physically, mentally, and emotionally.

In the end, there is another segment of ‘Which is Worse’ that will have you shoving a dead body up an elephant’s ass while you shit uncontrollably. Science is crude and it pulls no punches. Don’t fuck a monkey or a gorilla.

“Theme for Harold (var. 3)” and other songs by
Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/


The post Olympic Snowballing first appeared on Aural Malpractice.

Mailbox Yeast Infection

The doctors have returned from their self-imposed sabbaticals (For Dr. Chris anyways) and you know what that means! New rectal examination tools! New rectal examination techniques! New prescription medications to treat the side effects of rectal exams! Uncomfortable probing and immature adult comedy in all the worst places!

After recounting tales of their individual absences, intentional or otherwise, Dr. Josh reinvigorates the awkward conversation and PROBES his captive audience with some potentially new jingles and ideas. Dr. Josh honors our quest to find exciting and innovative uses for Pyrex storage containers, and then we roll into some difficult decisions in a few ‘which is worse’ segments that will have you testing the pH balance of your mailbox, probably with a creative combination of adhesives, dildos, and horse medicine. Dr. Chris even shares one of the X number of times his crapped his pants while driving, leaving him with only X-1 left to share in the future. We aren’t sure who emptied the asylum, but they are probably stuck to Glue Baby, and paralyzed in fear (and glue) as Squizfingers does his… thing.

This podcast was sponsored by Pyrex, giantboxofdildosstraighttoyourass.com and The Wonder Awesome Drug Company. Because Everybody needs more of all of those things.

News articles in this episode:

Gujarat Man Seals Private Parts Using Adhesive Instead of Condom During Intercourse, Dies

Our featured image for the seeing-impaired

A man flexes his impressive appendage and charges the room with sexual energy. Elsewhere, he has a large box for a head, exploding with dildos. There are orange dildos, green dildos, purple dildos, blue dildos, and even flesh-colored dildos. One can assume the box contains many more dildos due to its vertical stature. On the front of the label, you are emasculated by the dare to buy your own giant box of dildos, and to fill out the order form with the most turgid object on your body. Giantboxofdildosstraighttoyourass.com has thrown down the mint-flavored, lubricated gauntlet ribbed for her pleasure. Will you answer the challenge?

“Theme for Harold (var. 3)” and other songs by
Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/


The post Mailbox Yeast Infection first appeared on Aural Malpractice.

Ski Korea*

Dr. Chris and Dr. Tom ring out the old year with more critical, sleep-inducing insight. Dr. Tom shares some news, revealing that the best place to learn how to seduce an alligator for the low, low cost of $250 is in Florida. Dr. Chris rails against public education and sloppy parenthood alike in Georgia when he shares the story of a 21-year-old high school student with a gun. Dr. Tom can’t be trusted to cook eggs. The doctors sing praises to the glorious and not at all crappily volatile nation of North Korea and their new tourism campaign, interestingly enough only a few days before the Sony Pictures debacle. Dr. Tom hosts another episode of ‘What’s worse?’ and we learn that Chris would much rather seduce a member of the supreme court than an alligator. What a patriot! Ralph Macchio has been a little quiet, so Dr. Chris checks his Twitter and verifies he’s not dead. Dr. Tom shares a single, lonely poem about farts and then a seasonal warning to all that enjoy their time on the ski slopes. The doctors close this episode with one final question: what would you do with 1.1 trillion dollars?

*This podcast has not been approved for listening by the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea or our glorious president of Earth, Kim Jong Un, praise be unto him.

Ralph Macchio news:

HE’S STILL ALIVE!!!!

News articles in this episode:

Gator Whisperer Goes to Jail

21 Year Old High School Student Jailed for Having Gun on Campus

North Korea Launches Bizarre Tourism Website

 “Theme for Harold (var. 3)” and other songs by
Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/


The post Ski Korea* first appeared on Aural Malpractice.

1,499 Walken Zoppitybop-bop-bop

Dr. Chris and Dr. Tom return to the toilets of malpractice and gruntingly squeeze out another episode. Within the depths of the podcasting gutter, Dr. Tom shares a few important news blurbs. Then, Dr. Chris re-lives some childhood trauma about bees as his personal philosophies are uncomfortably probed. In the spirit of teamwork, everyone agrees that old ladies are easy to punch in the face. Dr. Jacoby explains how TV is turning your children into an army of Manchurian Candidates. In useless celebrity news, we learn about Ralph Macchio’s new movie… and that Christopher Walken can still freak out just about anybody. Then Dr. Tom lets rip with a few fart haikus before they finally pinch this one off. See you next time!

Ralph Macchio News
A Little Game – IMDB

News articles in this episode:
Woman Wearing ‘I Love Crystal Meth’ Shirt Busted for Crystal Meth

Beezow Doo-doo Zoppitybop-bop-bop Arrested

Yellow Jacket Swarm Claims Sarasota Man’s Life

  “Theme for Harold (var. 3)” and other songs by
Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

Garbage Juice Peanuts

A metric butt-load of content in this episode. Just in time for Halloween, the doctors talk about some of their least favorite candies. There’s another plug for Pyrex, crediting them for making such a solid, leakage-resistant container. Dr. Chris has his moral credibility questioned beneath the crushing inquisition of Dr. Josh and Dr. Tom. We learn about a new movie going straight to Hallmark directed by Ralph Macchio. Dr. Jacoby stops by to warn kids about brushing their teeth. Dr. Tom shares some more fart haikus. Dr. Josh presents an interesting treatise on a morally bankrupt movie entitled Hard Rock Zombies, and then shares some interesting news from across the world. All the while, the doctors can’t seem to stop talking about Hitler. Disturbing? You bet it is!

Ralph Macchio News.

Across Grace Alley – IMDB

News with Dr. Josh. Hitler REALLY wants to serve you tea!

German Store Accidentally Sells Romantic Hitler Tea Cup

Kettle that Looks Like Hitler Brews Trouble for JCPenney

“Theme for Harold (var. 3)” and other songs by
Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/


The post Garbage Juice Peanuts first appeared on Aural Malpractice.

Then I Pooped my Pants

In the second episode of Aural Malpractice, Dr. Josh shares some nationally-acclaimed zombie news and discuss what vehicle they would use to cause $14,000 worth of damage to a car dealership. In Ralph Macchio news, America’s hero has been sighted in some foreign commercials for Wendy’s pulled pork sandwiches, through which the doctors all unanimously anticipate his future sumo career. We also perform our first unofficially-sponsored product placement, Dr. Chris role plays the crappiest sports fan ever while Dr. Josh and Dr. Tom explain their dark powers of conversation manipulation. The three also each provide their unique observations at a mutual gathering in which there was a failed attempt at yellow jacket genocide. In the end, we have some more high-brow fart poetry and close with and insidious plan to destroy Chairman Meow.

Only one important question was left unanswered: What do you do with a vacuum cleaner full of bees?

From the news segment with Dr. Josh:

Man in Car Dealership Theft Trying to Escape Zombies

For Ralph Macchio:

Ralph Macchio in Some Kind of Food Commercial or Something, I Think

“Theme for Harold (var. 3)” and other songs by
Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

Aural Malpractice Episode 0002: Then I Pooped My Pants

The post Then I Pooped my Pants first appeared on Aural Malpractice.

Peanut Butter Enemas

Dr. Chris, Dr. Josh, and Dr. Tom briefly introduce themselves by insulting women, then move on to the finer points of potty training, projectile pooping, child labor, Ralph Macchio, rewriting movie history, fart poetry, and one of the worst movies ever made. Feel free to check out the first attempt of a never-ending work-in-progress!

Ralph Macchio News:

Celebrity News – Outsiders Reunion

“Theme for Harold (var. 3)” and other songs by
Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

Aural Malpractice Episode 0001: Peanut Butter Enemas

The post Peanut Butter Enemas first appeared on Aural Malpractice.