Aural Malpractice is spontaneously brought to you by Shit Towels. A Shit Towel is a towel you shit in to keep the government from stealing your shit. Every citizen of the galaxy should have a modest supply of shit towels in their shit place. Take your shitting experience to the next level by keeping the government away from your shit!

In this episode, Dr Josh reveals the latest entertainers in his talent roster as he demonstrates his uncanny ability to always pick the most existant performers when it comes to space comedy and space music. These distinguished talents are allegedly at the top of the space charts, but it’s TBD as to whether or not those space charts ever make a mark on our own earth charts. Or exist. Being abducted for six years can really mess with someone’s mind.

Then, Dr Chris opens up his home to us as he describes an issue he had with his personal plumbing equipment. As usual, he says ‘cock’ and ‘ball’ a lot, and graphically describes incidents of ‘releasing’ and ‘spurting’. Because that’s all he ever talks about.

Following up on a jealous outburst from an insecure clone in the previous episode, Dr Chris uses the powers of research and lying to Dr. Josh to co-opt his own segment of ‘animal dicks’, where he again talks about balls, cocks, releasing, and spurting. Tune in to see which one of the 8.7 million species of animals out there whose dick Dr Chris can’t get out of his mind.

For the second half of this digital dumpster hump, the madness is rounded out with a long-awaited session of Questions and Answers. As the questions are randomly selected based on user submissions, the level of intelligence and general coherence displays stark variance. Between the nonsensical thought vomit sent from our intelligent and classy listeners, real science experiments are actually discussed. Soon we may learn whether or not chickens masturbate.

Also, consider this yet another reminder. Unless you have a question you want answered on the show (Or if you have a guess as to who it was that snorted at 33:56), don’t send us ANYTHING. And don’t drink bleach. And don’t drill holes into your head. Save that kind of reckless behavior for the celebrities who want your eyeballs.

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Aural Malpractice Episode 0015: Reconstituted Space Hotsauce

This episode’s dickscussion opens up with some minor protocol violations and paranoid talk of sexually pleasing cats. Dr. Tom is an idiot. Please don’t judge your cat; it doesn’t have the same access to opposable thumbs and Astroglide.

Then, showing an uprecedented amount of maturity, Dr. Chris dials back his opinions on meticulous cannibals after a terrifying ordeal with a mysterious lady from California. Will there be more discoveries and revelations as he goes deeper down the gaping hole of hookup culture? We really hope not. Incidentally Dr. Chris is also really good at sacrificing hobos to escape his own imminent doom. Pure comedy.

As if it couldn’t get any worse, Aural Malpractice is now on Youtube and Rumble. We would appreciate it if you gave us enough attention to get banned from either.

Then we come to a segment about dicks. In light of Dr. Josh and his achievement as an intergalactic talent agent, Dr. Chris goes soul-searching for his own talents. This leads to one of the most disturbing and uncomfortable performances ever recorded in the history of this podcast. After 6-8 hours of tweaking and dangerously skirting a copyright strike, Shplookis has been exonerated!

Then comes a break from dick talk with something that is merely dick-adjacent. Dr. Chris does a paid ad-read for a new and exciting product that’s sure to blend two of your favorite pastimes into one. Trust us: you’ll never think of an old lady masturbating to matlock the same way ever again!

Fearing we strayed too far, we go right back to dicks, but this time it’s different because it’s about Dr Josh and another public service announcement about animal dicks. It will have you shoulder-deep in laughs.

As if things couldn’t get any worse, we move on to a terrible round of ‘which is worse?’ that reveals Dr. Josh’s conviction regarding keeping the government away from his poop, and Dr. Tom crushing morality between his malleable, liquid metal fingers. At least it wasn’t about dicks.

And yet another episode crashes and burns. Three dicks acting like dicks while talking about dicks.

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Dicks.

Whoever thought it was a good idea to put these three in contact should be tied up, beaten, and hurled into the nearby Quantapoosit river. This episode’s intelligent and valuable discussion is birthed feet-first when Dr. Josh demonstrated his otherworldly knowledge of reptilian grifters, alien parasites, and television preachers. They are all pretty much the same thing and have large, disingenuous plans for Earth. Also, Is Dr. Chris an alien? It may explain a few things.

Dr. Tom provides an update on the ongoing construction of his own nation, including a few hiccups with codifying law and quantifying the variables of intrinsic value for each of his citizens. Who has the most value? And how many should be stoned to death? Should we create a betting pool?

In Dr. Josh’s cryptic sphere, he again violates his self-made oath of ‘no more dick experiments’ and goes balls-deep into do-it-yourself urology. He learns, unfortunately, that superhero physics do not apply to dicks, and his experiments in genital irradiation only cause terminal issues that even Johns Hopkins can’t remedy.

Dr. Josh is then submitted to a grueling round of uncomfortable probing regarding his past as an intergalactic talent manager. But just like before, nothing is really revealed beyond Dr. Chris’s love of the Tascam DR-05 and Dr. Tom’s dogshit listening skills. Frankly, we ended up learning more about space Mormons than we did about Dr. Josh and his encounter with the Kolonskians… whatever those things are. But to everyone’s surprise, there is revealed to be more ‘found footage’ of Dr. Josh’s half-Asian quarry, Scooter Lee-McRascal, and evidence of his downward slide into depression, depravity, and drinking moonshine at Walmart. Another earworm infection advisory will be in effect until the end of the episode. You’ve been warned.

The show ends with another round of ‘Which is Worse?’. From it, we learn that Tinder might be full of cannibals, Josh might be a secret cannibal, and Chris might be cannibalism-curious. But the most important takeaway of them all? Stay off of Tinder.

Another match made in malpractice is born!